“And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, what good is that? Even sinners will lend to their own kind for a full return” (Jesus speaking, Luke 6:34, NLT).
What’s the difference between helping and enabling? Helping is extending some type of assistance which improves a person’s situation, taking into consideration not just the present circumstance but the overall effect of that assistance. Enabling is giving without any consideration for the overall effect of that assistance. Let me give you a couple of examples:
(1) It’s 7:30am. Margo calls her friend Beth and asks for $10. She says her car is almost out of gas and she’s broke and needs to make it to her job. Beth, knowing she has to be at her own job at 8am, realizes that by the time she finishes getting ready and goes by Margo’s, she’ll be late. What should she do?
The answer requires knowing more about Margo’s situation. Margo knew the night before that she didn’t have any money or enough gas to get to work, but she debated until the “eleventh” hour whether or not she’d even go. Margo isn’t overly concerned about whether she gets to work on time or not – or if Beth does, either, for that matter. Margo’s motto is: “Hey, I was looking for a job when I walked in and I can find another one when I walk out.” The kicker, though, is that this is the fourth time Margo’s pulled something like this on Beth; and Beth has talked to several of her and Margo’s mutual friends who have also gotten these phone calls from Margo.
What’s Beth to do? Just say, “No.” Margo needs a dose of reality. To “lend money” to Margo is very likely to never see it again – Beth’s already been down that road – but that’s not the point here. Margo has become a user; and if Beth forks over the $10, she’s enabling Margo to continue to be one.
(2) But suppose Margo’s story is different. Yes, she’s called Beth and asked for $10; but this is the first time she’s ever asked to borrow money. And she insists that she has enough gas to get to Beth’s house, so she can come by and get the money immediately, preventing Beth from running late for work. And she’s broke because her wallet was stolen earlier that week with her entire just-cashed paycheck inside it.
If Beth loans $10 to Margo under these circumstances, she’s not enabling –she’s helping. And if Beth can afford to do it, she should tell Margo to take the $10 and forget about repaying it. Better yet, if she can, Beth should make it $20 or more.
There are times when lending or giving money can really help and there are times when it’s a Band-Aid on an oozing sore of irresponsibility. Refuse to be the Band-Aid. Insist on being the blessing.
“Man may dismiss compassion from his heart, but God never will.” (William Cowper)
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